Second Tradition of the House of Reason

"I will communicate with complete honesty my needs, desires, limits, and experience. I realize that failing to do so will not only prevent my Master and I from having the best experience possible, but may also lead to physical and emotional harm."

Of the three traditions i have learn thus far in my training, this one has been the most struggle as of late. Several times over the past couple of weeks, the lines of communication have all but shut down, and the gates of defense i have built so tall i can not see around them came crashing down, shutting me off from my new Master. Part of this comes from lack of trust, not because of anything that he has done or not done, but because of the past mistakes of others. Part of its is that i was taught that it is better not to argue, that i should just keep my mouth shut. And part of it is that i feel sometimes that what i think, feel, need, is not important enough to vocalize. This weekend for example, my hands were tied behind my back and i had to rely on someone else to feed me lunch. Master wanted me to have to ask for help. But rather than do that, i did everything in my power to feed myself- using only my mouth. I didn't want to bother anyone else because they were all eating. Fortunately for me, my subbie sister didn't need to be asked, she simple started to feed me, in between her bites. I was glad for the help, as drinking especially was an issue. Then yesterday, i was too be rewarded for good behavior, for struggling past issues and overcoming fear. The 'reward' that Master offered me, was not exactly what i would consider a reward (i guess i'm a little spoiled) and i attempted to vocalize that. I ended up feeling so bad for not excepting his intial offering that i asked to be punished. Though it was soon obvious to me that instead to reeinforcing gratitude or making me less spoiled, the punishment was slamming into me that i should not communicate what i want, that doing so just ruins everything... Though i pointed this out to Master Reason, the damage was done. He spoke to me afterward, telling me that He did want me to communicate with him, that the scene, the night, had gone badly, that that was not the lesson he was trying to enforce, that communicating with him is one of the most important things i can do as his submissive, that with communication, he risks losing me as his submissive. So i continue to struggle with this, continue to record me thoughts, to try to realize that i need to voice my opinion...

the Bag

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Internal Enslavement....

Internal Enslavement aims to develop practical techniques which use detailed examination of a slave's thoughts, emotions and past experiences to establish and maintain a solid and inescapable state of ownership. This is achieved through control of the slave's psychological states, in contrast to External Enslavement, Slavery which is made inescapable by physical forces rather than the slave's internal psychological state. Legally or socially enforced slavery is an example of External Enslavement.

natural slave

A Natural Slave is a person for whom slavery can be better than freedom, since they have the capacity to experience less Reactance when living in that condition, without the depression normally associated with psychological Helplessness. Thus they are suited to slavery by their nature - by some inherent quality of their psychological makeup.

Reactance is basicly the theory that when someone is threatened with loss of freedom, they fight to retain that freedom.

falling in love...

Sir: My pretty slave girl
kslave: My Master...
Sir : yes I am
kslave: i'm soo fucked
Sir: why is that?
kslave: i don't wanna say
Sir: tell me
kslave: cause there isn't a piece, a tiny dark corner, even the little secret ones i keep locked away, of my heart that You haven't touched. There isn't a fiber of my being left that doesn't love You, that isnt willing to do anything for you.

i wasn't supposed to fall in love with Him. i didn't want to let it get that far. i kept a part of myself shut off, guarded from Him, so that i didn't. That didn't last long. Master passed over my walls, broke through them, and has left me open, raw and fully His. i don't know why i expected otherwise. i read somewhere before W/we met that a slave cannot help but fall in love with Master, it is part of the bond that forms. The things W/we do are too intense, to intimate, to relying on trust.

"Why would you not want to fall in love with your dominate, master, mistress, or owner? I mean there are all different types of love.. and honestly I don't think it is possible to trust them, if you don't love them. You have to open your heart enough to trust the person you are going to allow to control you in some form or fashion, and in the process I believe you have to love them on some level."