TTWD: Internal Enslavement

I was browsing through my blog statistics and saw that I had many many page views for the Internal Enslavement post that I did in june of 2009. IE is also the term that leads people to my page most often. Related searches are "how to develop internal enslavement" and "how tos of internal enslavement" (those last two were in the last month). When I googled it, I was the fourth listed site on the subject, right after the enslavement website that I have previously quoted. So first off, I will say thank you to those that come to my blog to get read the short post that I had up already.

That all being said, my first post wasn't all that... intimate. I basically defined what internal enslavement was, and left it at that. At the time (some what early in my submission) I didn't have a great concept of what IE was, what it could possibly mean to me, and I was seeking an answer as I am sure that most of the people that have been lead to my blog are doing now. but it isn't really enough to read a definition. When the average kinkster is seeking answers, they, i think, are looking to find real life examples, and not just positive ones. Those new to the concept or to the D/s lifestyle are seeking a how to guide, perhaps. They heard the term at a much, saw a post on fetlife, and became rather curious as to what it meant. It struck a very good nerve, and now they must scour the internet searching for some way to achieve such an deep form of submission.

For me, internal enslavement was something I found myself in, without a name for it. The name came by accident. I was reading everything about D/s I could find, and stumbled upon the term on a blog I read briefly, and then had the desire to learn what I could about the concept and what I was realizing I got myself into. The aforementioned website says something like this "detailed examination of a female slave's thoughts, emotions and past experiences to establish and maintain a solid and inescapable state of ownership."

This is exactly what my Master does. He uses my thoughts, my emotions, and my experiences in life to gain better control of me. When I first started to journal, Master told me (as a matter of fact, i think it is written in my first journal) that anything I wrote in it would be used to his advantage to understand me better as a submissive and a person, and to gain better control of me. I shrugged it off in the beginning, but that was exactly what he did. Today, I don't journal, but everything I say in any conversation could potentially be used to gain more control of me...

So the "How to develop internal enslavement" works something like this...

Ask questions.
LISTEN to answers.
Judge Reactions.
Observe... EVERYTHING.

Internal enslavement is not meant for those that keep their D/s play solely to the bedroom. It is not for the vanilla spicers or the unsure or weak. A dominant actively engaging in IE carries a lot more responsibility than that of the average dominant... Your submissive's physical, emotional, and mental well-being is dependent on YOU. I'm not saying that a submissive that has been involved in IE is incapable of thinking for herself, or would never survive if left on her own. I am saying that that the IE relationship marks a person for life.

There is very little in my life that my Master does not control. My clothing, hair color, eating habits, sexuality, recreational activities, hobbies, and financial security are things on the surface that are relatively easy to see and understand. My emotional health and mental stability are also very closely linked to him. That is what most people don't see. He grounds me when I fly too high or to wild. He is my balance. I feed off of his emotions, and crave to please him. There is not an action I take during the day that I do not consider his point of view, his thoughts, his approval. I make the majority of my decision based on the things that he has taught me and if he would approve or not. Because I trust his judgement. Because I know that he knows me well enough to make decisions for me, or to give me the best advice. He takes care of me, works to keep me happy, because I serve and obey him. In return, he is my world.

It was said recently to Master by a friend of his that he was "unsure if I was truly submissive or if I only submitted to Master because I would lose him otherwise". I stated later that evening (without being aware of the comment) that I didn't think I would submit to another dominant if I were to lose Master. I took some time to ponder both statements. At first, I didn't see a difference.

"I am choosing to submit, isn't that enough?" I asked Master. He told me that he wanted a willing submissive, not a slave that felt forced to submit because of love or blackmail.

I don't feel like a slave. I went into this relationship seeking a Master, a dominant. I sought the lifestyle, craved it, though I was never this far in. It has never been something Master has forced upon me, nor will it ever be. Yes, there are days that I struggle with my role, but I have never had the desire to turn my back on it. Mostly, I struggle because of some of the people around me. Largely, society has rebelled so far against the 1950s housewife, that it isn't normal to be a dependent, soft woman. We aren't supposed to want to be taken care of anymore.

Does it make me less of a submissive in general for never wanting another Master? No. I just don't think someone else could fill his shoes. I'm not sure I would want someone else to try. To me, he is irreplaceable.