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Friday, August 20, 2010


i distinctly remember your face that morning when i woke up bleeding... The sheet was already wet and i screamed. Thats what woke you up. Because i had reached down to feel what the wetness was and my hand came away red. The pain in my belly was horrible. This throbbing stabbing pain. I could feel the contractions, feel that need to push. She was already gone by that point. Her heart had already stopped. Thats what the doctor said at the hospital. I don't remember how we got there... It's blank.. Did i wipe it from my memory or did I black out?

We never talked about it. You took off from work. My mom stayed with me for a couple of hours till you got home. She didn't think i should be alone. neither did you... It still weighs heavy on my mind. Still haunts me every time i have my period. Every time i cramp and see the blood.

I'm sorry i was sick, that my body couldn't handle it. I wonder how much different my life would be now. That was two years ago now. Where would i be? I don't believe our relationship would have continued. You would have left me anyway... I just think i would have taken longer. Would i be with my Master now, if Madison had been born? I know he doesn't like children, so i doubt it. I'm thinking about you both tonight... about Madison and you. I can still picture what i was hoping she would look like. I miss her. I'm not sure i miss you...

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