I'm sitting in the school library, on a school computer. Makes me feel like a little slut for even accessing my blog here. Who knows if the guy behind me at his own computer will look over at some point and see me typing here. But i know thats part of the point. Its my subtle way of being such a slut in public, to write about it here.
I sometimes wonder if everyone around me can look at me and tell... To me, my collar is obviously that... a collar. It serves as a constant reminder of who and what I am, who i belong to and why i have chosen this path in my life. I wanted to be here, and i still do. I know that i don't always seem entirely enthusiastic, and sometimes that makes me feel like a failure, for not always being a cock hungry slut. For occasionally thinking in the back of my mind that i wish he would just hurry up and cum so i can go back to whatever it is that i think needs doing. What i try to remember at those times is that it doesn't matter what i think needs doing, it matters what he needs me to do. It matters what he views as most important.
I hear some devout Christians talk about how God for them is the guiding principle behind their life. Anything and everything they do, they keep God in mind. Master is like that for me. Or at least that would be the perfection of my life. I try to remember him in all things I do. When i attend class, and try to make A's it is so that he is proud of me and happy that he is with a smart girl. It is because intelligence is an asset he considers valuable. I work hard so that he is proud of me. I suck better cock so that he will receive more pleasure.
I'm sure its not like that for every D/s relationship. We all have different motivations to our relationships. Not everybody strives for the ultimate D/s relationship. But i do.
I don't know if i will make this thankful Thursday a recurring tradition, but for today...
i am thankful for my Master's guidance in my life, and thankful for his motivation.