Puppy wrote a blog entry recently that got me thinking...
That weight becomes sadness that i have trouble shaking on my own. i find that to be ridiculous. Why should i let any other person control whether or not i am happy? i don’t want anyone else to have that kind of control. Yet i can’t help it. It’s like He has changed me. Changed who i am. i’m no longer just brooke. Now i am William’s brooke... i’m William’s brooke now. Will it be possible to be just brooke again when He leaves?
In my comment i told her that i didn't believe it was ever really possible to go back to the person she was, that once you experience the divine heaven that is deep and true submission, there is no going back.
When i was with Master W, we both knew that the relationship wouldn't be forever, it was much to complicated. But, as limited as the relationship was, i was owned, completely, by him. We discussed on a couple of occasions that the best thing for me was a transfer of ownership, that He would give me to someone else. So that someone had open arms for me to run to, to cry into, to help me cope. And that kind of did happen, i met Master of Reason so soon after Master W. And He did let me cry in his arms (or at his feet).
It has never been possible to be my own since i started this journey into the mad world of submission...
I've always felt the true Doms, dont just mold us into the person they want us to be, but actually create sort of split personalities, creating within our minds another person, the true slave or sub they desire. For me that is the person that loved her Master dearly, like a child, craved pain, truly submissive in all ways, willing to lay down her life for Him. It took months and months to stop having that person creep up on me, laying in bed at night crying begging for her Master....
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