Master, as much as any other man, can be quite... frustrating. Maybe more so then regular vanilla men, because in my perspective, so much of my lively hood depends on him. Not in a i can't breathe without you sort of way, or the i literally can't make even one decision without consulting you sort of way (though i'm sure it feels that way to him sometimes), but in a i look to him for guidance and he controls most of my life sort of way.
I read lots of blogs that are more like porn. Addicting (i've read most of them for months), but lacking real substance. They talk alot about spankings and sex and fantasies. About masturbation. Few ever really get into the grit of being a submissive. The times when you just want to bite your Master's head off, tell him to get it his damned self, or need, really need, to be put first. What about when you, as a submissive, need a back rub or would like sex to focus on your pleasure? Don't give me this bullshit answer that it NEVER happens, that a good submissive lives for pleasing the Dominant, that you get all you could ever ever need just from pleasing him. I don't buy it. If it is the case that i am the only one to struggle with my submission, that i occasionally want to be put first, to have my needs met, then maybe i should rethink my chosen lifepath. But i doubt it.
I think that everyone struggles, but most of us are too afraid to admit it. We all read the same perfect porn blogs, that never face the upsets, never face the punishments or trials. You don't read on someones blog how they lost their temper and yelled at Master. Because to do so would admit weakness, fallibility. A blemish on the face of the perfect slave. I will no longer hide in such a way.
I'm not perfect, i'm no where close. And i often lose my temper, my head, my faith, and my ability to function as, or even imagine the existence of, a perfect submissive version of myself. I say things that don't make sense to me a hour or two later. I can be mean, vicious even. I don't always get everything that i need by pleasing my master. I fail. I struggle. I stumble. I get dirty and cry. I can feel like an attention starved brat. I have the emotional mood swings of a hormonal teenager.
The important thing is that i keep going. I don't let anyone piece of trash stop me from running, walking, crawling even to my destination of being the best that i can be for him. And i am lucky enough that i have a wise and tough master willing to pick my ass up when i fall.
*hugs* You're right about one thing... We do all struggle and anyone who says differently is either lying or fooling themselves. I can't say I really yell at Asha... we just don't yell. We made a promise to each other to make sure we only speak to each other when we've had a chance to cool our tempers... mostly because we don't want our daughter growing up in a house with her parents screaming at each other like ours did. That's not to say we don't get angry, because we do.
ReplyDeleteBeing slaves doesn't stop us from being human. It's perfectly natural to want to receive pleasure... and no it doesn't always have to be about his pleasure or receiving pleasure through his pleasure. But if you feel you need to be at the center of attention, I think the best way to get what you want is to just ask for it. Sometimes you'll get it... sometimes you won't. But you'll never know unless you ask.
spirited
A few day ago I started googling for submissive blogs. I found yours, and I wanted to say hello and let you know there's a new reader around. :)
ReplyDeleteBut also, I can't tell you how relieved I was to read this post. The majority of the information out there from a sub's perspective is written as if the sub is the perfect sub. That her only desire is to please Him. Thank you for posting this.
@naturalsub- Hi and welcome! i'm happy to have you reading and if you ever want to chat, feel free to message me.
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