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Monday, September 13, 2010

OOOOOh my jealousy...

Its a burning envy in me that glows brighter with every blog that i read. This thought of "its so unfair" Why do i have to go with out?

The past weekend Master flogged another girl. It was unplanned and unexpected. And it cut me deep. See, we haven't played in months. I mean, a couple of strokes here and there, but generally no. I always hear that he is too tired, to achy, to something. And this girl. SHE gets flogged, hardcore. While i mix the music for the scene. Fucked up, no?

It hurt so bad, so deep. It plagued on my insecurities, on my jealousy. And he apologized. Over and over. But it didn't make the hurt go away. It lessened it. But its still there, floating on me like a film of frustration.

In reading Mouse's blog today, again i felt that sting of pain, that frustration. About once a week (sometimes a little less or more) she posts about her journey down to the basement with her Omega. I'm happy for her, just like i was happy for the girl my Master flogged. But i can't help but thinking... when do i get mine?

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