I took monday and tuesday off of work so that i could come up here to Master's house for thanksgiving. We drove up late friday night, got here about 3am. i spent saturday cleaning the house, and sunday grocery shopping. Monday, tuesday, and most of wednesday we just lazed around the house, watching old episodes of Star Trek: TNG. Today, i cooked, fed his family that came over, and now i am hiding in the office, writing on this blog, escaping people i don't know.
Its not there is anything wrong with them, dont make that assumption. They seem nice enough. I'm just a little bit overloaded. Too many new people, too small a space, too hot. Plays on all my nerves. Its also interesting that they all half know about the D/s side of our relationship, and that Pia is here (she is Master's... other girl, a pet submissive of sorts) and what she is to him. I'm trying not to cross to many lines (his or theirs or mine) and still joke and be relaxed. I wonder how much trouble i will be in when they all leave.
I've learned a couple things about this lifestyle over the last few weeks; things that now seem so obvious, but somehow i missed before. First, i now understand that love and sex and relationships and D/s do not all have to go together, and sometimes don't. And that is perfectly acceptable. I don't love M, but i had no problem turning his ass a nice shade of purple. We didn't have sex. I am not his mistress, nor will i be. Secondly, Sadism does not equal dominance, or the other way around. Nor does masochism equal submission. Those things frequently go hand and hand, but do not have to.
And i was reminded of several things i already knew. Like, love doesn't fix everything, doesn't make a relationship succeed. It is quite possible to love someone fully and completely and not be able to be with them. Also, there is a 1-10 of dominance and submission in all people, the same way that Hirschfield and Kinsey defined sexuality. Very few people are completely dominant (a 10) or completely submissive (1). This does not mean that D/s is a competition, because if you are honest with yourself and with other people, there really is no changing who you are at heart, just ways of disguising it.