For a few days now i have felt increasing little. Not like i'm shrinking, *giggles* But more expressive of my inner little girl. i feel the need to be taken care of, to cuddle into my Master's lap while He plays with my hair. It is a feeling of young innocence, of simple joy, of girlishness (which is not something i indulge in often). i've never really felt comfortable with that style of relationship, considering my past history, but then again, i was never comfortable with dating an older man either. Master W is 22 years older than me, older than i have ever been with before. i thought, in the beginning, that it would be an issue, but it has yet to bother me. He makes me feel safe, in a way that no man, young or old, has made me feel. And i think that is part of where this feeling comes from. i feel so very lost and alone in my day to day life, and He helps to center me. He says that i feel like He is so far away, so distant from me when i get like this because in my submission, i put Him up on a pedestal...
me: i feel very little, very meek
me: You feel very distant
Sir : the pedestal you put Me on is very tall
me: what do You mean?
Sir : when you are submissive like you are right now, you have a tendency to make me larger than life...I am your daddy..large and tall
Sir : protective
Sir : and it makes you feel distant from me
me: You used the 'D' word
Sir : yea
Sir: i think it fits
Sir : I am still the same person...your Master
Sir : but your perspective changes
This is true enough. Neither of U/us have changed, it is only my perspective that has altered, my emotional state. In someways, He is always my Daddy, protecting me, watching out for me, taking care of me. Making sure i eat right, get to bed at a reasonable time.
It is also a desire to be corrupted, to have Him strip away that innocence from me, to teach me things. To take me gently in His arms and lay me down. To expose me to His vision and peel off each piece of clothing, kissing me, teasing me, while i blush and am helpless. To be soft, while still making it known that i have no choice, that this body, this girl, belongs to Him, to use and play with as He chooses.
The complication for Him, i think, comes from the fact that He has a little girl, a daughter i mean. She's in that pre-teen state when boys are just starting to occur to her, half child, half young adult. And i am concerned, as well as He, on what it would mean for me to be His little girl and how that would effect things... i'm not into incest, even feigned. And while i am in that state of mind now, i do worry about how my past might effect any play, if it would cause a panic attack etc...
He says W/we will discuss it more when He comes down, as well as many other things. Apparently, W/we will not be spending the entire time He is here playing....
slave girl k