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Tuesday, February 02, 2010


My life often feels like it is free flowing without much direction. i don't mean this in reference to Master or D/s, but my career path, my sense of goals and accomplishments. What i want to do. I have a hard time settling on a hobby, often bouncing around from one thing to another. Picking a career field has been even more difficult. You see, all my life, the only thing i ever really wanted to do was to be a mother. The 1950s PTA mom. I'm very maternal with friends and even my employees. When i met Master, who didn't want children so much he got snipped (and burned), that path changed. But instead of the clear cut path i could see so well, the new road in my life was blurred or blinding, i stumbled along without much of a clue.
We recently have gotten into some serious conversations about children, and whether or not my desire to have them was so strong that i would tear me away from him. At first, it was easy to say "i love you more than that." I didn't understand all the frustration and 'lost'ness i was feeling was because i lost what i knew to be my path in life. It has brought me to tears on more than one occasion.
Master wants to travel, to see the states, the world. A bike trip to the Falls, a cruise to Mexico. Hard to do that with a child. I understand his wants. It appeals to the gypsy part of me, the part that always craves change.
Today my horoscope suggested flexibility and compromise. What career could i choose that would allowed for both sides of desire? Children and Mexico. Love of my life, fulfilling my instincts.
Teaching. I'd toyed with the idea multiple times. Elementary school. Grades 1st through 3rd or 4th? Just old enough to really comprehend and focus, not so old that collages and Halloween parties are cliche. I hate high schoolers. I didn't like them when i was one. And day care has way to many politics. Plus, teaching, you get out for spring break, Christmas, and summer vacation, giving us plenty of time to travel. It seems like a good compromise.

1 comment:

  1. All I can think to say is... be true to your heart and don't settle just because you don't think you can have the things you want.