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Sunday, July 05, 2009


i have two things physically connecting me to my Master: my pretty collar with His heart on it, and 'Master's slave' written on my mound above His pussy. i cannot wear cuffs or corset. His t-shirt that i have come addicted to snuggling with at night as i lay down to sleep is at home on my bed, along with my paci. And i have been struggling lately as it is, after the horrible night last week.
i listened to a person i shouldn't have, when He claimed to be a good person and a good Dom. we had talked about my relationship with Master, and how hard it is for me sometimes. i failed in my strength to my Master, doubted everything W/we had been working so hard for. i collapsed, and Master was not up to defending U/us to this slave. He released me from my collar. The searing pain was automatic. i felt like i was being torn apart from the inside out. And with in two hours i was begging for it back, begging for Him back, to know my place once again. i felt so lost that night as He told me to sleep without my collar on, with no journal entry, and picking out my own panties for the next day. i was not His slave that night, and i felt empty. i went to work and left early, laying on my couch wallowing in my own misery waiting for His call. It did come, and long story short, obviously, i am His slave again. But i think W/we have learned vaulable lessons. Master learned to be more strict with me, i think, that it is perfectly okay to tell me to sit down and shut up even if i am stressing... That a simple 'slave' can calm me down. And i learned even more to trust in my relationship with Him, that He is keeping me safe, and that anyone who tells me otherwise can fuck off.
But i feel very disconnected from my Master even though He tells me i am serving Him by helping my sister, and helping her with her baby. i miss Him terribly. i love You, Sir.

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